Everytime his face comes to mind I get cold chills. My arm hairs rise and I feel a sudden coldness spread throughout my body. I miss him so badly and I haven’t even met him in person. Funny what 3 years of talking to someone can do to you. I think I love him. He’s been there for me when I was down and when I just needed to vent. I was there for him. The first time we video chatted we couldn’t stop staring at each other. The way his lips curled up into a smile and the way his teeth such perfect teeth peaked through those smooth lips made me squirm . I couldn’t even keep myself from smiling so hard. He was so perfect. And his dimples, ooo his dimples they just killed me a little inside each time he smiled. Why could he live in America ? Why did he have to live in Canada ? We made plans… A pact… That we were gonna meet in person no matter what would happen. We exchanged I love yous every night after a year if being friends. I felt guilty when I started dating a guy. Of course it ended. We weren’t meant for each other. Besides he cheated? So I wasn’t gonna waste my time staying with him. Anyway , I miss him. I feel terrible and selfish. Although I did nothing. I just wanted an escape and I didn’t have any weed . I snorted adderall off of my best friends bum and I dumbly told him… He’s disappointed in me and I don’t even know how to talk to him or at least start a conversation. I can’t make up with him. I want to but I’m just gonna mess it all up. I’ve always been terrible with making up with people, took me days . But that was because u had to face them , here, everyday. And seeing them made me miss what friendship we had or any relationship we had at all. The fact the he doesn’t live here and I’ve never even seen him in person hurts me because I don’t have that motivation to talk to him.
My friend was coming over today. I couldn’t wait. She had some problems with her recent ex/bf. I was hoping we could get baked and hopefully she’d feel a little better.
I toke the first hit from my newly made pipe. It felt good inhaling the earthly herbs again. I passed it to her and lit the lighter so she could take her first hit. This was something she’s been longing for awhile now, so I was really hoping she’d enjoy her first puff of mj with me. After a good few hits I felt like my soul left my body and starting talking crazy. She started laughing and kept at it. I was snapchatting my friend from Canada while baking . He was being a funny one too. As we took our last hits she told me she totally felt it.
“let me see your phone “ she said. I have her my phone and she went on a porn site and clicked in a random video . nice I thought . We watched a few good lez porn vids and I felt myself tensing each time. “I’m soo wet “ I whispered to her . She looked at me and laughed tell me she was too. We laid on my bed and watched more. Her arm touched mine and I felt a small electrifying feeling go through my body. I could tell I was still high. After the last one I put my phone on my pillow and sighed. She then said
“I’m bored now. Hmm… and started biting my arm . mmm, omf “ah , stop. You silly brat. You know what that does to me” she did it again and again and bit a little harder each time going up my arm. I laughed and put my head towards hers and kissed her. SHIT! ….what did I just do.. surprisingly she started kissing me back. She slide her hands under my shirt and bra. I hesitated a bit and then kissed her neck and begin caressing her breasts. She started biting my lip and I bit hers. After a few minutes if this I led her hand down toward the hem of my thong. She rubbed me from the outside of my thong and I let out a soft moan. She then slipped her hand in and played with my clit. I sucked on her neck some more and felt a finger in me. damn… she fingered me so deep and so fast I couldn’t help but moan . I was soaked. She sat up and went down towards my legs and kissed my inner thighs. Man , she was great. She licked me and fingered me at the same time. My body kept tensing up and I kept squeezing the sheets around me. It felt so damn good. When she was done we kissed more and I happend to glance at my phone and noticed that I should stop before anyone gets home. We started to watch some comedies and ended up dosing off. Before I felt myself drift off into dreaming, she put her arm around my body and laid on my back. I smiled.
When I woke up and thought it was all a dream, I realized it wasn’t . SHIT
Yesterday was a great yet disastrous. I want to hang out with Felix after school. We drove around and finally stopped to park . I was so nervous I started sweating. I didn’t even wanna touch him. Before we parked he kept poking my boobs . Ahh, silly boys . Well.. As he parked I put my stuff down on the car floor and got in the back seat . He went to the back too and looked at me. I looked back at him and didnt know what to say so I took my shoes off and jacket while he did the same. I leaned in to kiss him. I smiled between our kisses until he told me to take my shirt off. I turned away and lifted up my tank, threw it to the front seat and turned back to face him. His eyes widened and he stuck his tongue out. hehe I want back to continue kissing him as his hands ran down my back to the clasp of my bra. He undid it with such ease. he must have a lot of experience…hm I tried not to think of anything thing else. I overdosed on naproxen so I was feeling loopy . Felix started punching and playing with my nipple. mmmm..He stopped and held me back so he could get a better look at my girls . He looked at me again and cheesed up. I felt a rush of warmth wash through my body . He kept his gaze on my chest with his mouth open. He did something and I can’t recall what but I replied with “Hahaha nerd ” and he stuck his tongue out again and I leaned in to kiss him some more. I wanted to kiss his neck but what if he’d stop me? Don’t want other girls seeing love marks on him right? damn it, I couldn’t stop over thinking so I just ended up winging it his kisses got slower and I knew exactly what that meant. I looked up in his blue eyes and down at his pants . He smiled as I ran my finger across his waistband. I then pulled them down and asked him to take his shirt. All he did was lift it over his head. In that moment.. I knew the only thing I was doing today was giving him a bj. I pulled his dick out of his boxers. nice! damn. I must admit I hate dicks but his was nice … I looked at him and back down and lick him and went to work . Long story short , each time I heard him moan & breathe faster I went faster. I went deeper when I felt him tense up. I tasted cum a little so I went up to kiss him more and jacked him off and then went back down to finish . I accidentally gag a little and didn’t get to swallow it all. It got all over my hand and his dick. I felt so embarrassed bc I don’t normally do that. He laughed and kept saying it was ok when I kept saying sorry. It was so bad which made me sweat even more. God. I was so lame and haven’t talked to him since .
I didn’t hang out with Dario yesterday. I wasn’t really in the mood anymore. I told him next weekend. Ahh, I had a spasm too when Felix liked my stuff. I literally couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I’m trying my best from gaining feelings.
Yesterday was pretty chill, I wonder what today will bring me.
It’s 4am and I’d thought I’d do a quick entry about everything that’s happens this past week.
1. Jordan asked me out.. Didn’t go well
2. One of my best guy friends gave me some xtc.
3. I saw Felix and got to talk to him. The whole time he smiled and the whole time I was internally screaming and trying to keep myself from pouncing on him.
4. My friend Dario wanted to hang out yesterday but I couldn’t. We may today.. Who knows what will happen. 😱
5. I finally got a cellphone.
Today was a total bust. I had to rush out the door with my makeup uneven. The pipes were frozen from the frigid cold weather . Thank god that I didn’t see anyone I didn’t want to. Jordan asked to hang out but I already had plans . Plus I thought it’d be strange to hang out with him. I just would be awkward . Ugh uh… Anyway I didn’t get to do anything with Felix today . My friend who I was supposed to get baked with ending up being sick and got in trouble somehow with their parents. She was my ride home. I didn’t realize until I got on the school bus that I could of got a ride from Felix .. Considering he drives and all. Oh well. I had a fight with a creep online . Maybe if he wasn’t so horny all the time I’d feel bad for him. It’s crazy I actually liked him a year or so ago.
Today was ok. Not much progress. I went to the mall. Of course I saw one of my exes best friends . Trying to avoid them was hard. I had a feeling in me and kept hoping my ex wouldn’t show up. Fuck. If he did … I’d probably take him back.
Highlight of the day I got a new mesh top.
Yesterday was interesting . Jordan told me I was really pretty and did the usual arm around me & walk me to class deal . I saw Felix but he didn’t see me. He was in front of me walking with some friends . I actually slowed down my pace and hoped that he wouldn’t turn around. I just didn’t want him to see me dressed all bummy-like. I thought I looked pretty gross. I also got a chance to see Rick . He did hug me and stuff. He’s adorable… Especially the way he acts and the things he does for his girl . She’s lucky to have such a great bf. anyway school was cancelled due to weather.
If I could scream right now I would . Felix messaged me today to ask why I was mad at him. I told him it was because I wanted the d and could have it. Long story short he’s single and down to go down. I got lucky . I did get a bit mournful when I saw my Canadian friend & I haven’t talked in so long . I guess it’s for the better. I hope I can stay after tomorrow so I can blaze it & get some. I also need to get my act together. How does one act promiscuous when they’re sarcastic assholes? It’s pretty hard being slurry or trying to pretend. This experiment isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Nothing too exciting besides that happened today..